I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
