Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
