Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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