I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
