Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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