I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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