Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
