I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
