hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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