thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
