so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
