shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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