All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
