im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
