Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
