my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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