You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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