I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
