these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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