It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
