he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
