my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
did i just pee glitter
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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