it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
