Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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