What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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