bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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