The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
