i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
