My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
