youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
