I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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