Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
