everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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