my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
