Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
