Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
