I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I could fuck to npr.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
