My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
