She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
