when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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