So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
