I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
