Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
