Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
