I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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