From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
