Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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