You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This gyro tastes like lonliness
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
