sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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