i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I stole a fireplace last night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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