I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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