Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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