Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
