Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The beer is more important than you right now.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
