i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
