Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
