You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
