When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
