my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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