dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The adults are the big ones right?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
