I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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