he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
